Whether its because Valentine’s Day has been on the horizon, or the moon in the 7th house of relationships, aspects of relationship have been showing up all week.
I have written before about the value of viewing a relationship as a third space that you create with another person. Each party has their own space and together they create a third space in which to have the relationship, whatever that may be; romantic, friendship, familial, or business.
This is in contrast to some views of relationship in which the two independent spaces merge into a single unified space. While this may feel wonderful and work for a while, it is generally not sustainable, and is often confusing and leads to power conflicts and many other challenges.
When I have my own space and you have yours, we are rooted in who we are, we have a sense of self, a space to relate to ourselves and Spirit. We can then easily give our partner permission to have their space in the same way. From this foundation we can come into co-creation in a third space, the space of the relationship.
At times we may both dive in completely and revel in loss of self and unity of body, heart, mind or spirit. When we need a breather we can climb back into our own space. We can have both connection and independence, unity and selfhood. We can be complete in ourselves and joyfully go beyond ourselves with another.
In ceremonial work it is advised to remember that as you co-create with others, Spirit is always present as a unifying, encompassing force. It is easier to step out of attachment and ego when you are surrendering to Spirit, than to your partner or partners, no matter how much you love them. It is amazing how easily and smoothly creation happens in this way.
Having your relationships as independent spaces provides space for Spirit to enter in this way. In the field of conscious relationship the concept of a “Third Presence”, a sort of relationship oversoul, is viewed as not merely helpful, but essential to a successful intimate relationship. This spiritual presence becomes an ally, and can hold the space when its hard for you to do so. It brings in creativity and assistance, understanding and perspective, when they are most needed.
When we are mashed together in a single space, mine, yours, or a combination, there is not much room for Spirit to enter in. Spirit moves in the Void, the in-between, the space between atoms and the spaces between people. Remembering the saying, “When two or more are gathered…”, I wonder if this is not a similar creation of space in which Spirit can arise, or appear.
May you fully enjoy the process of co-creating your relationships with your friends and beloveds, in partnership with Spirit it’s easier and safer to open to another, and manifest your dreams.
 Flesh and Spirit, J. Zimmerman & J. McCandless, 1998