I had a teacher who spoke of the difference between being in love with someone and simply being in love.
The egotistical love of self is a emotional/mental affair in which we are focused on the beauty of our personality. As with most egotistical functions it is usually driven by fear and self-doubt, and is not really a true self satisfaction, or a true love.
The great teachers have been aiming at something else, which is why there is no real danger of confusing the Love they advocate with an active ego. Our deep nature, our true Self, is Love. Simple as that. We have the ability to reach inside and find it, to call it forth, to feel ecstatic love welling up inside and overflowing into the world.
In the body it may feel similar to the love that we experience with another human being, and we often believe we need someone else to call it forth. Thus the need to love and be loved.
But when we can feel into our own being and accept what is there, including the fear, the doubt, the anger, and the sorrow, space opens over time, the temple is cleaned, and we open to love. When this happens it is the most powerful embrace you have ever felt, an acceptance of yourself as you would your dearest lover.
Perhaps it is easier to consider this an embrace of the divine, an ecstasy from God, or Goddess, rather than an embrace of self, but this is mental chatter. We are at our root divine, and the divine can come through us as much as it comes through nature, or a lover.
When you feel this you know that it is completely different from selfish ego love, for another or for yourself. There is no possessiveness, in fact the more you share it the more it grows. There is no underlying doubt or fear, though there is room for these in this temple and accepting them they are transformed. Love of Self is a state of being that encompasses the whole body, the whole being, and the ego mind is relaxed and lulled to sleep, though other aspects of mind may open and be crystal clear.
Experiencing yourself as Love is a joy that impels you to raise your voice and sing, that calls for you to lose your small self rather than celebrate it, knowing that it is not needed really, that you can do and relate from a different place. It is never selfish in the way we mean that term, as there is no small self involved. It is however, the Self,
If you are not sure of the difference, invoke the Love that is your Self. Ask with all your heart for it to come to you, and it will. Ask it to teach you and it will. Slowly perhaps, or swiftly, radiantly. With patience and perseverance this Love will deepen and grow, until there is no room for ego love; fear, doubt, loneliness or selfishness. Sing loud and call yourself home.
Blessings and enjoy.