Some years ago I had a conversation with my mother about parenting. She told me straight out that it had been (and still was) her job to make sure I was prepared for surviving in the world. This involved instilling a certain level of fear about money and work. Her love came with certain chains.
We each have our own love languages. Part of hers was to pass along this level of anxiety and fear. We often think of conditioned love in terms of an “I’ll love you if you…” syntax. Her love was conditioned in a different way, a more pervasive way. Her love expressed in part through life lessons of being prepared for the worst. She was modeling that love is conditioned by fear.
As human beings we express the pure Love that we are in Spirit through our personal being. When there are internal inconsistencies, judgements, or other conditions, how clearly can anyone be the love they are, for us or even for themselves? Thus human love generally comes bundled with other things and is therefore limited and conditioned in a specific constellation that is unique for everyone.
Our deepest understanding of love develops very early, when we have little capacity to tease apart the aspects that serve us and the ones that don’t. Later in life we carry these deep, mostly unconscious, chained understandings of love which pattern how we express our own love for ourselves and for others. We may have a clear conscious vision of love, experiences even, but our internal concepts of what love is and how to express it are still mostly complex and patterned.
The conditional love as a sort of quid pro quo, is only one layer of the bundle, that closest to consciousness. There are emotional levels where love is chained with grief, fear, anger. For me the deepest level so far is my own resistance to aspects of the bundled constellation I received. Unable to separate out the different aspects, my resistance was applied to the whole package. I discover that I am in resistance to love itself, as well as the collateral emotions and beliefs. This limits my ability to love myself or receive even unchained love from Spirit or my beloved.
Working with this means recognizing and releasing the aspects of the bundle that aren’t love, but an un-serving form of its expression, especially those that have been internalized to chain oneself. It means recognizing where we express our love in ways that doesn’t really serve us or others. It means feeling any resistance and transforming it. Bringing the patterns into awareness we can clear our being so that our love is less conditioned.
Parents are the first to model love for us. But who modeled love for them? Grandparents. So the constellations have lineages, our chains are a link in a longer chain that passes down the generations. As we clear our own patterns and limiting beliefs, we stop passing them along, we break the chain. Energetically and spiritually I’ve seen that we also clear the patterns going up the lineage. The whole long chain begins to unravel out of the global field.
The work we do for “ourselves” helps to clear the ancestral beings, the family beings, whenever, wherever they are. Learning to tease apart the entangled messages we also are better able to received loving intent, without having to take on any associated energies or patterns. Loves flows more freely, both giving and receiving. Yum